Whether Christmas or Easter is right around the corner or it’s a milestone “sweet” birthday you don’t want to miss, you need to give a gift that says you’re waiting down the block to pick up your special someone once her parents fall asleep and she can sneak our for a few minutes.

Here are some of the best recommended gifts you can give this year:

Lingerie. Tel the clerk your wife is Asian to insure proper sizes and revel in your lover’s feeling of grown up empowerment and simulated adulthood.

Chocolate. Nothing says “I don’t mind your terrible acne” quite like a fine box of premium Swiss confectionaries.

Planned Parenthood Gift Certificates. Tell her you love her with the gift of complimentary proactive or retroactive birth control. (Only recommended for partners over the age of 13.)

Nude Photos. The one gift that withstood the test of time. Be sure to use Photoshop to remove any distinguishing marks before sending them, but the sight of you will surely warm any special occasion and be kept near at hand for many, many years to come.

One Way Bus Ticket. You’ve got love, a Visa check card, $79 and a spare cot in your basement of love, so why not make these factors work together to show how much you care?

Three-Ring Binder. Your darling angel can never have too many of these.

Herpes. If you’ve got it, share it. You’ll be closer than ever and your partner will have a hard time leaving you for someone else once you’ve left such an indelible mark.

Wrinkle Cream. Let your lover know exactly why you’re in love while sending a chilling reminder that youth should not be allowed to expire.

A Happy Meal. If you’re strapped for cash you can still send a very clear message of love with a choice of hamburger, cheeseburger or 4-piece McNugget meal and toy.

A threesome. Most people don’t experience their first orgy until college years, if ever. Share the emotionally changing experience with your partner as young as possible, so it won’t be awkward as your relationship moves forward.

Anal Sex. If your partner has never done this it can be especially degrading and unpleasant. Nothing could ever give your lover a greater appreciation for oral or vaginal sex like the dry, chafing discomfort of unwelcome anal intercourse.

Cheat Sheets. Proving test answers will free up time wasted on studying for valuable visitation, and improve your lover’s dwindling odds of graduating from high school

A Tattoo. Nothing screams “all grown up” or “hey, I’m 55 but I’m still young at heart” like great ink work.

Promissory Notes. They’re good because they’re free and you can put down anything you think might impress, only later to push out the redemption date as long as you like. Consider offering an expensive trip for an 18th birthday or a rid into orbit aboard Spaceship One. It’s free for you, amazing for your partner and will earn you points immediately redeemable in the bedroom. This also insures your partner will have to stick around if they expect to actually get anything out of the deal.

There are thousands of great gift ideas, and these are just a few. If you’ve found them helpful bat lack that certain special youngster to share them with, remember our network is always flush with fine, easily influenced, freshly added fodder for you to meet. When you think of dating one of your students, think TeacherHarmony.com.

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