Is this legal?

Of course it is! In most places, it’s only illegal for a teacher to date their own students.

A good tip is to always date Students that Are Not Your Own. As long as you date a student from somewhere else, you’re in the clear. Remember that age of Consent Laws are Lax. Many places have a legal age of consent all the way down to 14 (such as Mississippi and all of Canada), so as long as your date meets the minimum age requirement in your state, you’re in the clear.

Don’t write about the sex. It is illegal to communicate with a minor by email for the purpose of having sex, but if you communicate for other reasons and just happen to get lucky when you meet, that’s okay.

Always cross state/international lines for the right reasons. It’s illegal to cross state lines for sex with a minor, or to take a minor across state or international lines for the purpose of sex, so cross those lines for other verifiable reasons and you won’t have a problem. Pick up a job application or go look at a car off Craig’s List, and if you happen to hook up with your new partner and have sex, it’s secondary, and you’re good to go. No harm, no foul, and no crime committed.

How much does it cost?

Our rates are very competitive. There is no cost for students to join the network, and for teachers it is only $59.99 per month. It may sound like a lot of money compared to other dating sites, but when you consider what you’re getting, it’s really quite a bargain. This price insures that there are always more students in the network than teachers, and that you’ll always have top pick from our many eager singles. Teachers aren’t rich, but if you can find $100,000 to get your teaching certificate, you can come up on another $60 to find your soul mate, and there isn’t a fresher catch to be had.

Will I lose my job if I’m discovered?

In almost all cases the answer is yes, so make sure you act suspiciously secretive with your new mate, even after you’ve been dating for quite some time. Fake names are encouraged, and you may wish to get fake ID to seal the deal.

Is my information kept confidential?

Absolutely. Our clients are our bread and butter, and that’s one piece of toast we never drop on the floor. Our data at headquarters is 1024-bit encrypted, and our servers never see your correspondence, which is all handled through 4th party redirect-mail servers in the Ukraine. As long as you don’t disclose personal information, you’ll be safe and secure in your anonymity.

I want naked pictures, should I send or ask to receive them?

That is a bad idea. Half the reason is that it’s illegal to send pornography to a minor across the internet, or have pornography of that same child in your possession. The other half of the reason is that, according to our members, naked photos of aged teachers tends to make their young counterparts physically ill, thus precluding any possibility of meeting in person.

I’m not a teacher, can I still join?

Unfortunately we only accept certified teachers into our singles network at this time. Please understand that it’s nothing personal, it’s just that there are a lot of real creeps out there and we have to be very careful about which adults we allow to have access to our thousands of highly suggestible teenage members. Although we’re sure you’d act honestly and ethically, we have to draw the line somewhere and for now we’re drawing it at the teaching certificate. This helps to protect the virtue of our members, as well as our good standing in the professional community.

What about diseases?

We take a don’t ask, don’t tell approach, and if you’ve got a consent, you should too.

I am a principal, guidance counselor or school administrator, can I join?

Yes you can, but any special promotional price discounts only apply to actual teachers.

What if the age of consent is higher than the age of my soul mate?

In some cases you’ll have to wait a few years, but love can wait for such things while you ply your beloved with gifts and carefully worded letters to insure an eventual meeting. You can also travel to countries where such laws do not apply, like Costa Rica, just so long as you go there for other reasons and “just happen to have sex” while you’re there.

Is it okay to give drugs to students to loosen them up?

Many youngsters have never had drugs, and this is no time for them to start. Surveys have shown that most students in our network, however, have at least tried illegal drugs, and in those cases it’s same-old same-old for them. Often the pursed lips of the young need loosening, and if their coke-cherry has already been popped, it’s just a matter of mutual consent. Remember, you are offering an exceptionally expensive good for little or no cost, so don’t feel guilty about it.

I’m married, can I still join?

Yes you can. Whether your divorce is still in process or not yet begun, as long as you classify yourself as “looking”, you are eligible to join our network as long as you otherwise qualify.

Isn’t this bad for kids?

Love and affection is critical in the development of any developing child. Wouldn’t you be hurting them to deprive them of this? Very few of our student members (8.7% as of 12/20/2007) identify themselves as virgins, so that means you’re not victimizing them in any “new” ways. You’re just showing them how loving and wonderful intimacy can be.

Candy is technically bad for kids, but you wouldn’t advocate the abolition of that, and neither would we. That’s really what our service is all about. We take kids who have already tasted the sweet pleasure of adult candy, and rot their teeth with it as a grandparent would, assuming that grandparent didn’t think he or she would be thrown in prison for it.

I’m willing to pay for sex, what should I do?

You are very likely a sick, depraved individual who has no business becoming a member or our exclusive network. You should go to Nevada and forget that you ever found us. Our members are not meat we as purveyors of this service are not butchers. We do strongly encourage the giving of girst to the younger half of TeacherHarmony.com members, but only trivial items that are only meaningful to that class of willful participants. Pokemon and YuGiOh cards are a good start, as they have limited monetary value. Other in-kind gifts we deem acceptable include one-way bus tickets, toys, dolls, DVDs and pre-paid calling cards. Check out our Gift Giving Ideas article to better understand what constitutes acceptable cost-to-benefit present ratios.

Are registered sex offenders allowed to join?

No, absolutely mostly probably not. Only those who still retain state authenticated teaching creditals are allowed to join. If you are a registered sex offender who does hold these credentials, and still meets our other TERMS AND CONDITIONS, then you are still able to join, but you may not necessarily be allowed to participate in periodic promotional discounts.

I have an explosive temper, should I date a student?

No, but you really shouldn’t date anyone. If you are going to date despite your propensity for abuse, why not date someone younger who is more likely to stay out of your way and comply with your craziest wishes?

I want to date more than one student, is that okay?

In most cases the answer is yes. You aren’t practicing polygamy in such cases as much as parallel dating, which is perfectly legal in all places where mono-dating is permitted. Young children are emotionally fragile, which is why you picked them in the first place, aside from their tender young kibbles and/or bits, but always be open about it. Consider taking them out on shared dates, like a slumber party, and having sex with all of them at the same time.

What if I don’t want to “date” a student, but just have a physical relationship?

That is not acceptable according to our terms of service, and it is morally reprehensible. If you are a certified educator of underage persons and wish to have unimaginable, unrivaled, unbridled sex with a student, you MUST agree to date them. This rule is not flexible, and you will be banned from the system, but only after your payment has been received. The definition of dating, however, can be very, very flexible, and we encourage you to join and see who replies to your ad or online solicitations. We can define what love or a meaningful relationship is, so as far as we’re concerned, just tell them what they want to hear. Children will believe anything from Santa to the Tooth Fairy to the mistaken notion that you love them for more than their fresh, virginal, physical incarnation.

I got in serious trouble with several students in the past, but none of the prosecutions ended in conviction, can I still join?

Yes you can, so long as your heart is in the right place and you are still a teacher, whether from state certification or through your employer.

I’m not a “teacher”, but I do have a job around kids, is that okay?

In almost all cases it is, but you must provide evidence that others permit you to be near children.

I’m only a teacher in a loose, non-professional sense, can I join?

Yes you can. If you are not a member of a stat accredited teaching organization we may or may not require you to submit reasonable evidence that you are in fact a teacher. You can do so in the form of a business card (which you may order online from a number of stationary providers) or with a letter of verification (that we will not authenticate due to budgetary reasons, also available online.)

Help, I can’t activate my account

We work hard to insure that our site runs flawlessly, but there can be a number of factors beyond our control that may stand in the way of you posting your profile to illicit the company of a young, vulnerable lad or lass. You may be accessing the site from behind a firewall, such as those put in place by school district IT professionals, or you may be attempting to complete your registration from a local ISP who has deemed our service illegal or morally reprehensible. This is a violation of your rights, and you should contact your internet provider directly to address such problems, even if you feel that you must do so anonymously.

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